Influencing Others

“Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:1-2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

One definition of the word “influence” is: The capacity to have an effect on the character, development, or behavior of someone or something, or the effect itself.

Influence has always been something that has amazed me. People can be influenced by many different things in many different ways. Some people are easily influenced by others. Some people are influencers and have a tendency to influence everyone that they are around. At some level each of us has influence over the people around us, especially in our marriage. It is up to us to determine “what”, “how” and “why” we influence others.

Who are you? What do you believe about you? What is your deepest “Why?” These are questions that each of us will come across and start to answer if we intentionally move toward growth. They are also important questions for us to answer as we look at how we are influencing others! People are most likely not going to believe in you or your “why” if YOU don’t believe in you! People aren’t attracted to “what” you do and “how” you do things as much as they are attracted to “why” you do what you do! If we look at the breakdown of what I mean by this statement here is what it looks like:

  • (WHY) – 55% of Influence has nothing to do with what you say; it has everything to do with what you believe and who you are! Your “WHY”! (your body language, your personal conviction, your physiology)
  • (HOW) – 30% of Influence has to do with your voice qualities and “HOW” you say things. (tonal quality, voice inflection)
  • (WHAT) – 15% of Influence is actually about “WHAT” you say. (content, words, script)

If we are not leading authentically people will pick up on it right away. They may not be able to put a name to it immediately, but there is something inside of the people around you that know when you’re not being authentic! When we allow ourselves to be guided by our mask (non-authentic), we limit our character and we become rigid and walled off as an individual. We don’t allow people in and those around us get confused because our actions are not congruent with who we are. Growth is restricted and we live a superficial, non-authentic, negative influencing life. It is pretty much all about image, control, winning-at-all-costs and self-interest when people are not authentic.

When we lead authentically we are guided by our character and our mask is not as present. Our opportunities for learning and growth easily flow in from the outside and we can express ourselves authentically from the inside out. People then get a good clear picture of ‘who” you are and they are inspired to grow. You will find yourself building relationships based upon trust, compassion, intentionality and influence.

One of the words our vision statement is the word INFLUENCE! Stephanie and I placed that word strategically in our mission statement because of the ability and the understanding of the potential influence that we have on other people. We enjoy the power of influence! We know that when influence is done in a particular way that drives home character, the greater good starts play out. How is influence taking place in your marriage? When YOU continue to grow individually you automatically impact your relationship dynamic. The more that you authentically approach your spouse, the more that the intimacy in your marriage will increase.

Who are you going to be influenced by today….and who are you going to influence!? Be intentional and watch the influence take place!

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The Intentional Marriage

Our mission is to assist couples to plot a course through intentional choices that result in action that empowers growth in Christ.

Today’s marriages need intention more than ever before. With the divorce rate at approximately 50% percent for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third marriages, couples need to spend time looking at what is important in keeping marriage fresh and alive! We are committed to helping couples reach a new level of effectiveness in their marriage.

Bryan & Stephanie VigneryAuthors and Facilitators

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Instructors:  Bryan & Stephanie Vignery

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